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Joke of the day

Joke of the day:

A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink. "Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink." The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman. "Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."

5 more dirty jokes

1. Two boys were in the forest and one went to go and go to the bathroom, he was gone
For awhile so the other boy went over to look for him. When the boy walked over he
Saw the boy that went to the toilet staring at a naked woman bathing in a river, the boy
That went looking for him then sprinted away then the other boy ran after him and
Asked him why he ran away, the boy replied "my mother told me if i saw a naked
Woman id turn to stone, i felt something going hard so i ran".

2.whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives woman wild?
Ans: a $100 bill

3. Vaginas are like weather, when its wet its time to go inside

4.there was a little girl and little boy in a bath tub together, suddenly the girl looked down and said "can i touch it" the boy replied "no way u already broke yours off".

5.A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his penis. He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth

Random jokes

1. Man: Ive always tried to drown my troubles but i cant get my wife to go swimming

2.  A lawyer waking from anaesthesia with his wife by his side woke and said to his wife " your beautiful" he then went back to sleep until he woke again a few minutes later and said "your cute" his wife was disappointed and asked "what happened to beautiful" the lawyer said " the anaesthesia is wearing off"

3.  Police officer "did u kill this man"
Murderer "no a bullet killed him, bullets are made of lead and lead comes from the ground and the ground is in nature so he died of natural causes, case closed"

4. Boy: the principles so dumb
Girl: do u know who i am?
Boy: no...
Girl: the principles daughter
Boy: do u know who i am?
Girl: no
Boy: good *walks away*

5. Husband (watching a video):

Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!
Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.

Knock knock jokes

1.knock knock
Who's there
Cash
Cash who
No thanks, but i would like a peanut instead

2. Knock knock
Who's there
Interrupting cow
Interrupt-MOOOOOO

3.knock knock
Who's there
Honey bee
Honey bee who
Honey bee a dear and get me a soda

4.knock knock
Who's there
Cows go
Cows go who
No cows go moo

5. Knock knock
Who's there
Interrupting doctor
Interrupt-you have cancer

More jokes!!!

1.what do u call a sheep with no legs
Ans: a cloud

2.why cant a idiot call 911
Ans: he cant find 11 on the keypad

3. What do u call a deer with no eyes
Ans: no eye deer

4.where do u get virgin wool?
Ans: ugly sheep

5.what do u call a cow with no legs
Ans: ground beef

Racist jokes

5 racist jokes 

1. What did god say when he made the first black man?

Ans: oops i burnt one

2. What does a black guy give u for your birthday

Ans: your bike

3. How do u know a black mans been in your house?

Ans: your tv is gone

4. Why do black people commit crimes at night

Ans: because they blend in

5. A black and a mexican are in a car whos driving

Ans: the cop